Kiss
Puke
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
