Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
