no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
