i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Randomize
