I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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