So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
That was before I lit my hair on fire
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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