can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
