I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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