The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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