Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
