Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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