i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
