i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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