did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
