I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize