I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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