Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
