I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I just want nice things and good sex
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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