just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
