why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize