She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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