I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
