This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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