Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
