Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
