Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
