i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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