Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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