I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
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