Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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