Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Randomize
