i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
