Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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