I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
