That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
