I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
