i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
