My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
