i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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