but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
