Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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