He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Randomize