Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
