my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
