I want to stick my p in your. b.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
