Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize