The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
