From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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