His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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