Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
