Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
