I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
