This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
