The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
