1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
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