Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Why can't burritos get me drunk
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
