Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
