You made me cry and you don't even care
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
