Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
