we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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