Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
