i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
