3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Only a mothe r could love this liver
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
