Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
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