put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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