Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
