he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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