He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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