By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
