so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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