Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Will you blow on my dice?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
