Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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