Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
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